Untitled: Thursday, October 15, 1998

Oh, days like these seem
Like dark clouds
In a bright, blue sky.
Old Memories come haunting,
Threatening my joy.
Pressures from all around are urgent.
Things are due-
From one minute to the next.
Why do I care so much-
For it to have so much power over my life?
Why do the shadows of old
Come to make my life miserable?
The flashbacks of past smiles
Scare me so that I fear to be conscious.
Is there not some resting place;
Where no one and nothing
Can oppress my mind?

If only screaming would help!
I would sound a yawp-
That would shake the soul of any man calm and happy.
Mine is the cry-
That would leave hearts lonely and empty.
Mine is the brawl-
That would make children run and hide
In the arms of their mothers.

No comfort is found.
No peace left to cover me safe.
There are even no tears to shed,
For my anguish is too great-
Heavy like a burden.
Under its weight, I've stumbled and fallen.

Summary of January 25, 1999

Blue sky-
A conflict resolved,
Among other joys:
Like a long hug,
A stolen glance,
A secret smile.
Tonight-
A fathomless sky-
Millions of wishes,
One for each star.
My soul takes refuge
Believing in each one.

Untitled: January 8, 1999

My heart skipped a beat;
But it wasn't you.
Why do I hold you?
Why can't I let you go?
I see you.
The world around me stops-
I inhale.
Fervent hope bursting my insides
Out- comes my breath.
The shadow is gone.
Our times replayed- vanish,
Thin as air.

heated haiku- PG13

Resting in his arms
The new spring-green leaves contrast
The blue morning sky

His white skin is like
The masculine ladybug
Freckled with brown spots

This smell- his old smell
The stale sweat of his body
Refreshes my sense

Heat from the embers
The still-hot pleasures enflame
The crisp morning air

The fan-cool air chills
My sweat-moist skin awakens
My desire calls

His guttural groan
Like fire- it burns the mass,
My deep hidden thoughts

Unititled: March 8, 2002

I want to be the light of your eyes,
The warmth of your soul,
The everything and more
You could ever ask for-
I love you.
But it takes you loving me too.
Not by your words-
Throw them to the wind.
Give me your actions,
The motivations behind them.
And you will find yourself
As the light of my eyes.

untitled: March 7, 2002

Admit the pain.
Express the hurt,
Whether you want to or not.
Unburden yourself here-
At the water's edge.
Let your salty tears
Spice the liquid at your feet.
Release it;
And let it go.
It does you no benefit;
It corrodes your soul,
Darkens your light.
Don't give it the power
To destroy you.
Open your arms and scream.
It will leave you,
But you-
You must admit.

On the Beach of my Heart- Parts 1 thru 4

Part One- May 9th

A figure dances before me,
A man inviting me to get close.
His bright eyes beckon me;
And his smile warms me.
The wind is blowing-
His hair, crazy, goes wild
Making this moment seem less intimidating.
The wind rushes the scent towards me.
The smell of liberation-
Reminding me of a playful wave
Splashing on the shore.
His arms are wrapped around me.
I feel safe in this embrace.
The sand sticks between my wet toes,
And I am comforted by this situation.
In this way I am drawn in;
And no one else knows.
It is a secret exchange of the hearts.
If not love, then high admiration.
And easy smile is formed by my lips.
I am pleased by all-
That has taken place here.
And at this time, all is well.

Part Two- May 15th

I am learning the steps to his dance.
Sometimes it seems to complicated,
But I am having so much fun.
The wind is blowing my hair around too,
Yet I never lose sight of him.
I always feel close-
Even if I can't touch him;
But some doubts have crept in:
Does he wish to dance,
Or is he being polite-
Teaching me this lesson
Because I demand it so?
These ideas vanish when in his presence
I am.
I am lost in his bright eyes.

Part Three- October 31st

We've been on this beach for some time.
From strangers, to friends, to lovers;
The sun has warmed us,
And the rain has forced us close to keep warm.
He did want to dance,
And our dance has evolved
With the different times-
Still fervent, forever fervent.
I still smell liberation,
Yet its scent is no longer young and naive.
I continue to find comfort in his embrace.
This exchange of hearts,
This high admiration which has deepened
To complete love
Still pleases me.
My smile of joy, in spite of the hard times,
Is genuine and forever.

Part Four- November 26th

He is silent and missing.
I am alone on this beach;
And now, it is almost always night.
Not even my lover in the sky
Shines on me in this bleak darkness.
I dance the steps in the sand,
The ones we, he and I, learned together
Leaving my lonely prints behind.
Remember the joy.
Remember the love.
I smile towards the void.
Oh, the liberation is still here.
The strain has made it old and tired.
And all I can do is remember-
Wrapping my arms around myself,
My half-hearted attempt
To grasp at some warming comfort.
The wind is cold.
Its knife-like cut is deep.
Fervent now describes my pain;
And forever, my yearning of him.