"If I knew all the words, I would write myself out of here." MRAZ

Friday, May 15, 2009

proverbs 15; and thoughts developing over discussions based on proverbs 13 & 14

**entry in proverbs bible study email group - blog readers are coming in mid-conversation, sorry about that**

3 The eyes of the Lord are in every place,
keeping watch on the evil and the good.

Sometimes this spooks me out (in that "every breathe you take" stalker way)-

But today, I found it very comforting.

Today this verse tells me that God is in control; that he see the actions and the motivations of the heart; that he considers both the good and bad; and that no matter where we are or what we are doing, he sees.

And I feel that this can tie into the conversations relating to Proverbs 13-

**By the way, I really enjoyed the honestly confessed by this group- I didn't chime in, but don't think for a minute that I'm a Born Organizer (at least, not in my household chores!). Any of your statements can and do relate to me and my house: the bathrooms, the laundry, the dishes, the dust, the floors, etc...

I think that God knows us so well.
And loves us for the people were are- both our strengths and weaknesses.
And I don't think we need to feel guilty for our weak areas- now, I don't think we need to wallow in them and forsake trying to develop them- but I don't think that we can beat ourselves up because they are rough things for us to conquer (no matter what our best friends can do; or Martha Stewart; or that B.O. housekeeper that radiates housewifely perfection).

God has been cultivating a spirit of honesty within me- of being honest with HIM.

I've been in the process of shedding who I've been taught God is, and asking God directly, "who are You?" Which also leads to other questions:
"What do you want from me?"
"Why is my life this way?"
"Why do I seem to have such a hard time keeping up?"

And it is a PROCESS. Part of the issue is that I am human, sometimes, (shock) don't WANT to hear the answer. It may mean that I have to change. But I want to be that person who is willing to change- and not in superficial ways: I don't want to look the part; I want to be the part- REALLY BE it.

So, if I am being lazy; then yes, God forgive me that my house is a wreck, because I am cultivating a negative characteristic.

But, if I have been busy doing the things that I am good at, if I have been loving people, if I have been investing in my family and friends, if I have been diligent focusing on my strong points; then beating myself up and feeling guilty because I am not perfect in all things (i.e. beating myself up because I am not God [and aren't we all thankful :)]) is not worth my time or energy.

Whew- where did all of that come from?
I hope you guys enjoyed-

I love you all; and have really enjoyed reading all the comments in the last couple of days! You are a group of women to treasure!

Happy Friday!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

little man turns 4

I can't believe it. My little boy is 4 years old. It is mind-boggling that this adventure has been this long already. It is true what they say: the time does fly.

This is his first birthday that I am not with him. He is NC, and I am in OK. Of course, I am sad about this, but we had a celebration before he left. And we have another one scheduled for after my return to NC. And I've had 1,460 days of celebrating his birth in my heart.

So, I've decided that I am really okay with not being with him on this specific day- it isn't this one day that is so special; it is the culmination of days that I've been blessed with and will always treasure!

Happy Birthday, little man!
I love you- all the time!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

one of my new life rules...

I am not allowed to shower in a strange shower having had woken up at the crack of dawn and therefore being unfamiliar with products of a varying nature posing as hair products, not mention too tired for my olfactory to have started the business differentiating between shampoo and Skin-So-Soft Bath Oil.


Intersting life rule, huh?
Well, these are the kind of rules you have to establish for yourself when you wash your hair with bath oil instead of shampoo.

Monday, May 11, 2009

I am pathetic

I am filling in at a temp assignment. I've been here all last week, and will be here for a few days this week as well. This assigment leaves time for extra things to do- "free time," you could call it.

And I have been utilizing that time-
spending time on the job hunt (ah, the satisfaction of being paid to job hunt!) and keeping communication lines open...

And in the back of my mind is a voice: "Write on your blog. Doesn't matter which one you choose; they are all behind. Write, woman, WRITE."

It shouldn't be, but that voice is SO easy to ignore.

Friday, May 1, 2009

praises (yes, more than one)

1. God is giving me some direction. I feel like there is a path developing. I am continually asking for guidance and confirmation, but he is moving on my heart; and I am so thankful for that.

2. I have 7 days of work!!! One of the staffing agencies come through with a short term contract!!! I start working Monday!

3. My mom is coming into town for a visit! She will be here for 10 days starting tomorrow morning (missed her grandson terribly ;)

I keep asking God about his timing. It seems odd that I would finally get work at the same time that my mom will be here. I hate that I am going to miss out on time with her. My feelings are still askew, but I've told God that I will trust in his foreknowledge and plan.

4. In LifeGroup on Sunday morning, I told the group that I am the "geek mom." That introduction to preface this next comment: I have an interview with the Apple Store at Penn Square. I am really excited and really nervous about this. I can't believe how it all worked out to get an interview this quick. And I am thankful just to have the opportunity to interview. I'm not sure if my goals are going to be something they can work with, but I am excited to have the chance; and ask that God would make it clear (to both them and me) whether or not this is the path to take.

Just wanted to publically thank God (again) for his kindness and goodness.

He has not forgotten me; and that is amazing and humbling.

He is moving my heart, and that is truly the impossible at work (I am exceptionally stubborn).