and I can't tell you how long it has been since that has been the case. I actually went to Sunday School (which they call LifeGroups) and Service.
I appreciated the loving nature of the people around me. I enjoyed the lessons. I heard and felt the music. But I couldn't help but on some level feel like a hypocrite. There are so many questions that I have, and so much faith that I lack: I can still speak Christianese with the best of them, but I am not completely sure I believe it as it is coming from my own mouth.
But it is so easy for me to do it. And I wonder, how much of my heart is really my own; and how much of it is God's, whether I like it or not?
And I think, for a moment, I could have been really happy: if I had let myself.