MANTRA

"If I knew all the words, I would write myself out of here." MRAZ

Monday, March 9, 2009

I was in church this Sunday...

and I can't tell you how long it has been since that has been the case. I actually went to Sunday School (which they call LifeGroups) and Service.

I appreciated the loving nature of the people around me. I enjoyed the lessons. I heard and felt the music. But I couldn't help but on some level feel like a hypocrite. There are so many questions that I have, and so much faith that I lack: I can still speak Christianese with the best of them, but I am not completely sure I believe it as it is coming from my own mouth.

But it is so easy for me to do it. And I wonder, how much of my heart is really my own; and how much of it is God's, whether I like it or not?

And I think, for a moment, I could have been really happy: if I had let myself.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

it's not too late to "let yourself" be happy. and church isn't for the perfect people anyway; it is for the people with problems and questions, so you are in good company whether they admit it or not!

Anonymous said...

What is stopping you from letting go? Pride, Anger, Selfishness? A great question would be How's it working for you? If you find yourself back in church again try something different- Letting go.
When we let go HE is right there. HE has never moved, He is just waiting for us to give him control of our sinful lives and say whatever it takes Lord its yours. Don't forget He gives us a choice He never forces us. Choose wisley!

Anonymous said...

"I'm lost at sea without a friend. This journey, will it ever end? Who will rescue me?" -Bottle

W.D.

Katie BF said...

Don't overthink it, babe. If God is working in your heart to make you feel comfortable, loved and not pressured, maybe that's all the "proof" you need. Let Him take care of you, Miss Independant ;)