"If I knew all the words, I would write myself out of here." MRAZ

Wednesday, July 8, 2009


Ah, it burns my soul.
The wondering- the worrying that comes with the wondering. I would love to belittle it into concern or distraction; but if I were being truly honest- and I am- full-fledged, dirty-ugly worry accompanies wonder in my brain...not all the time, but most of the time.

As much as I like to have fun- and I do have it; I live, breath, eat, sleep, etc...responsibility. I always resort to the baseline, consider the consequences, squelch the fun before it gets out of control- always.

(well, almost always)

And so, in moments outside of the always; in moments when I consider being rash and adventurous without first considering all the consequences, the wonder plagues me. It's automatic- I've tried to delete that part of my programming, but no luck (anyone want to help me with that?). I move forward and do my best to ignore the whoosh of my mind as it races to present end-results, all kinds of them, waving frantically at me to get my attention as I try to walk on. It is a very annoying characteristic.

I suppose for those who always want to make a good decision every single time, this would be a fairly fabulous thing; but I've come to accept that right decisions aren't always the good ones (afterall, good is a relative thing), and so I am mostly annoyed that my few times of spontaneous fun are ill with the wondering, with the curiosity of what will then happen next...

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