tapped

Somehow, my 16 year old self resurfaced this weekend- not completely, but enough to be shocking on the alternate parallel universe scale. I didn't really expect to see her- not this weekend, not ever. I can read her memories in the journals she left behind, but other than that....

She was actually here. I heard her giggle, laugh out loud, say silly things; I felt her move and shake her groove; I felt her survey my 28 year old existence with that light in her eyes- the light that exists for 16 year olds full of hope and ambition. She wasn't necessary negative with her opinions on my life, just surprised- she didn't expect this (I tried to tell her that I didn't either).

And then she asked me what I was going to do about it.

I tried to explain that real life wasn't the way she thought it was going to be; that decisions were harder to make and follow through then it appeared they would be; that disappointment and let downs were hard to shake off; that responsibility always wins out and is heavier than expected; that changing one's mind was sometimes practically impossible-

"Why?" she asked.

I thought for a minute- Good question, I surrendered.