MANTRA

"If I knew all the words, I would write myself out of here." MRAZ

Monday, September 15, 2008

oh...ok

I scream and rage into the void-
In this eternal black box, I wail until breathless.
It is endless night, no sun to shine on my despair.

Will I always have to choose to hold him back?
Will his intelligence wain because his acceptance of social structure is weak?
My son, the brilliant one, will he ever fit in and accept and adapt and be able to convey his amazing intelligence and awesome personality in a manner that others will see- other than me. Or will people always, always see the odd one; the behavior problem; the socially inept one; the screamer; the crier; the rough child?

"Don't worry," I hear. "We all have scars. That's what life is about. Just try to choose the best scars you can and keep them to a minimum. That's your job as a mom. God will help him- He'll make a round space in this square world for him."

Oh....ok.

There is a pin prick of light in my midnight box.
I look towards it, walk, and hope.

THANK YOU

2 comments:

CristyLynn said...

Dear friend, I know that our precious sons' needs are different, but I wanted to tell you that my heart resonates with your feelings expressed so well here. Sometimes I want to scream, and on occasion I have. I've also cried, A LOT, and then I feel better. You are in my prayers.
I love how much you love your son.

KBF said...

You are the mommy, so it is your right to worry. But please remember there are those of us who see his brilliance, his passion for what he enjoys (just like his mommy), and love him forever and unconditionally.